it wasn't lemon gatorade
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
