For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Girls should come with a carfax report
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
