did you get engaged???
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
