So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
