You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
