I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
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