He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
