Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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