This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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