He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
