just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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