Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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