U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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