even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
