the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
