She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
