Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Randomize
