you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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