pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
