it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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