i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
