Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
