My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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