you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
