I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
