my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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