Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
