were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
