tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
