He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
