I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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