I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
How does one acquire holy water?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
