Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
