I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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