You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
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