it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
