Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
