I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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