Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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