just survived the first fart of the relationship.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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