Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
