Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
