So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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