I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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