I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
