You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
