I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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