someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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