I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
