If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
