My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Barsexuality is the new black.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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