she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
